i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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