Just fell off a train. Bad.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my shit smells like andre
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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