We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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