I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
