he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
