its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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