Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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