I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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