doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
