I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
