here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
