I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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