dude i'm inner monologue high
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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