I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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