you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
