Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize