Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
