who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
