Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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