I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
