im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize