On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
