I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
