Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
