She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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