Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
