Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just googled if crying burns calories
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
