How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
