Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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