i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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