Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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