Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
