i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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