Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
