Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
