I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
