Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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