What a fucking waste of an outfit
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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