I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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