Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
and eventually we just all took our pants off
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize