and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
