Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
my poor anus
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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