Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize