dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
