So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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