she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize