We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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