we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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