The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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