I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
