Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
