So drunk its hurt
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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