I accidentally had phone sex last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
