dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize