My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you had me at cake vodka
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
