they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
