dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
