someone threw a dead crab at me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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