I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
