I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
