I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
