I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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