So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
