i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
