What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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