I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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