I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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