My underwear smells like fireworks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
