I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
