The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
