I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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