I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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