Tell her she can't have a vagina
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
