it hurts more in the daytime
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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