Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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