carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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