Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
tell me about the eggs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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