I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The Olympian is in my bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
