I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
