She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
