can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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