$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
