My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
