Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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