we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
