Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
