Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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