i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
