Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
