did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
