3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think your dad took our porno
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm sobbing to NWA
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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