4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
