You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
