what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
