Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
