I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
