I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
