stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Dicks are not precious.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
