You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
