Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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