Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
