i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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