I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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