I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you inspire me to be a worse person
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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