so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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