absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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