Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
