I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
