idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
