In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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