I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
