What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
