she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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