I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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