just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
