I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
