made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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