You're so nebulous sometimes
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
