My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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