i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
